Why it's OK to wait to have kids

I am quoted in this article regarding reasons why waiting to have children is beneficial for some.

by Lisa Steinke |

The average age a woman has a child is 27. But many women aren't anywhere near ready to have children in their 20s. And these days, more are waiting -- some until their mid-to-late 30s or even their 40s. So is now the right time for you or should you wait? Read on for the reasons experts give for why it's OK to ignore that biological clock.

Anna, mother of one from Illinois, says she's a happier parent for waiting until she was older, "My husband and I didn't have our first child until our early 40s. It was a wonderful decision for many reasons. Our daughter is now 13 months, and we are both 43 years old. We couldn't be happier parents!"

Ignore the ticking clock

But what if, unlike Anna, you're struggling with the thought of waiting, feeling self-imposed or outside pressure to procreate? Nerina Garcia-Arcement, Ph.D. urges women not to rush into having a child simply because others are doing it or because their clock is ticking. "Having a child changes everything, literally."

"There are many pros to waiting, including being more emotionally and psychologically ready for the vast changes to lifestyle and time commitment that children require."

More financial stability

Garcia-Arcement also reminds potential parents that financial stability can come with waiting. "Having a more stable and developed profession so that you are in a more stable financial situation... " Barbara Neitlich, psychotherapist, adds, "If you wait, you can generally put more money aside for your baby fund."

More confidence and maturity

Beverly D. Flaxington, author and mother of three, who had babies at 35, 38 and 42 says, "I felt more confident after going through a number of life situations and developing different perspectives on life." Garcia-Arcement makes the point, "You might have more energy as a younger mom, but older moms have the benefit of more life experience and maturity." Neitlich adds, "As you age you learn more about yourself, your partner and what type of parent you want to be."

More time for you

Neitlich also says a key reason to wait is to "travel, travel, travel!" and spend more quality time with your partner first. Garcia-Arcement agrees, "Accomplishing personal goals first (e.g. education, travel, attending cultural events) allows the mom to never question should I have waited until... ?"

Ask yourself the important questions

Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, a marriage and family therapist, reminds couples to ask themselves important questions before making their final decision.

• Are you and your spouse in agreement? Will you both be committed to all that is entailed?
• Do you and your spouse believe you would enjoy parenting?
• Will you consider medical intervention if you cannot get pregnant?
• Are there any financial concerns? Will a child make a difference in whether both spouses will be able to pursue their careers, work full time, finish up any education, etc.?
• Are there any emotional or psychological reasons underlying a push for a child — the kind of reasons that have more to do with improving the marriage, etc.? The kind that are not healthy reasons and usually backfire?

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Coping While You Wait For Medical Test Results

In this article I am quoted on typical reactions to the unknown, such as stress and anxiety, and how to manage your feelings and cope with the uncertainty. By Rheyanne Weaver  |

Waiting for the weekend to come or a long-desired vacation can bring excitement, but what happens when you’re waiting for something nerve-racking, like medical test results and a potential diagnosis?

Experts explore the connection between fearing the unknown (which can happen when you’re waiting for medical test results), and provide tips for how you can keep positive in a potentially negative situation.

Nerina Garcia-Arcement, a licensed clinical psychologist and a clinical assistant professor at the NYU School of Medicine, said in an email that fearing the unknown is something we all experience at some point in life.

This Article

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“Fear of the unknown (especially when [the] outcome can be negative) is a normal human reaction,” Garcia-Arcement said. “That is why many avoid going to the doctor to begin with. They fear hearing that they are ill or whatever they imagine.”

Besides the common fear and anxiety that can be associated with waiting for medical test results, there are other emotions and thoughts that people can experience.

“Other common emotions are numbness ... worry, sadness and guilt (that they didn't go sooner and now might be ill) and concern about how this might impact their lives, plans and families,” Garcia-Arcement said.

So now that you’re waiting for medical test results, how can you cope with some of these negative emotions you may be experiencing?

“[The] best way is to acknowledge what they are feeling, normalize it/know that it is normal to feel that way, and then use healthy coping strategies to deal with what they are feeling,” Garcia-Arcement said. “If they are anxious and worried, do breathing exercises, distract themselves with activities and people they enjoy, do visualization exercises or any other type of self-care activity that will help them ‘get through’ until they receive their diagnosis.”

If you’re almost positive that the medical test results you’re waiting for will lead to a diagnosis of some kind, there are some ways you can prepare yourself for this potentially devastating situation.

“I have my patients imagine worst case [scenarios],” Garcia-Arcement said.

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20 Ways Shrinks Stay Sane

Here I am quoted on coping strategies to reduce stress. By Julie Hanks, LCSW  |

It’s mental health month! Like many of you, I’ve been actively sharing mental health information as a way to increase education and reduce stigma surrounding mental illness. While it’s an honor to be in a profession that focuses on supporting the mental health of others, being a therapist often requires regularly going to “dark” places with clients, and that can take a toll on our ownmental health.

After nearly 20 years in the field, I’ve noticed that a lot of therapists (myself included) tend to be caretakers, people-pleasers, and self-sacrificers, making us particularly vulnerable to neglecting our own mental health in the name of caring for others. I have learned to become fiercely dedicated to self-care, self- awareness and to maintaining my own relationships in order to protect and nurture my own mental health.

I wanted to reach out beyond my own experience to therapists around the world to see how they nurture their own mental health in a profession that can be emotionally and mentally exhausting. Here’s what they had to say.

1. Live in the present

“I make myself more present by asking ‘Where am I in space right now? What do i hear? What do I feel? What do I taste and smell? What do I see?’ ” Natalie Robinson Garfield.

“I find 20 minutes a day to escape from the world and enjoy the peace and quiet.” Deborah Serani, Ph.D.

“I meditate regularly and journal about my dreams.”  Dr. Will Courtenay

2. Surround yourself with positive people

“I rid myself of toxic relationships and situations immediately and I engage in religious activities, especially prayer,” says Leticia R. Reed, LCSW.

Surrounding yourself with positive people also includes you. Kim Olver, LCPC checks the stories she tells herself about her own life. “If they serve me great, if they don’t I’ll change them. I’m the one who makes them up after all,” says Olver.

3. Go to your own therapy

“I go to my own therapy on a regular basis.” Dr. Will Courtenay

“I take care of my mental health by checking in with my own counselor when I need someone objective to bounce things off of and get centered or grounded.” Xiomara A. Sosa

“I have entered therapy 3 times since my core training. 3 different styles to suit the issues I was experiencing. I also do workshops and retreats throughout the year for personal/spiritual development.” Jodie Gale

4. Get moving

“I have two Labrador retrievers who demand a lot of attention. I find a great escape just going out into the backyard and throwing the Frisbee for an hour.” Regina Bright, LMHC

“I salsa dance! I rely on the nonverbal connection with my partner and happy music to get through some challenging weeks.” Dr. Amy E. Keller

“Every day I take time to meditate or participate in Pilates or yoga.” Diane Petrella, MSW

5. Nurture a sense of humor 

“I try to maintain a good sense of humor and find ways to laugh during life’s challenges.” Ashley Bretting, LMFT

“My spouse and I attend a comedy show every week.”  Stacey Kinney, LMFT

6. Maintain friendships

“I make sure to have tea or lunch at least once a week with a friend that is supportive and makes me laugh.” Nerina Garcia-Arcement, Ph.D.

“I find that participating through friendship in the life of someone outside the field is even more refreshing and grounding than the peer consultation we used to do.” Mark E. Sharp, Ph.D.

7. Take a break

“I love vacationing to Costa Rica.”Dr. Amy E. Keller

“I enjoy watching funny and/or inspirational YouTube videos.” Hugh A Forde, PhD

“Hiking is a great activity that helps reduce my stress levels.” Dr. Karen Sherman

8. Catch some zzzz’s regularly

This one is an important one for me. I try to take a long naps every Sunday afternoon.

“My goal is to get at least eight hours of sleep every night.” Stephanie Moulton Sarkis PhD

9. Uplifting media

“I like to read books, listen to music, and subscribe to inspirational Facebook pages.” Dr. Matthew Clark

10. Reach out to those in need

“I do volunteer work with Mission Outreach, a non-profit group that collects unused medical supplies in the United States and sends them to third world countries. Being able to help others in such a simple, easy way does wonders for one’s outlook on life.” Sujatha Ramakrishna, M.D.

11. Create fun each day

“I ask myself, ‘Have I had fun today?’ If the answer is no, then make it happen before the night is over!” Natalie Robinson Garfield

“I pursue my hobbies of photography, painting, and jewelry making.” Stacey Brown 

12. Say no

“I have found that out is easier to say “no” when I realize that if you say “no” to one thing, you are always saying “yes” to something else. If I say “no” to a new client, I am saying “yes” to time with family and a less busy mind.” Joseph R. Sanok, LPC

“I hold stringently to my practice days and hours—keeping mornings for myself to exercise and write, using afternoon to early evening for clients, and taking off Fridays for whatever I want to do.” Karen R. Koenig, LCSW, M.Ed.

13. Celebrate nature

“I love to spend time in nature by walking through the woods or listening to the birds chirp.” Sujatha Ramakrishna, M.D.

“I work in a professional office setting and need to be reminded that I am an animal. Getting out to a park or the beach or a hike in the mountain, or even a drive up the coast with the top down are instant healing techniques.” Nancy B. Irwin Psy.D

14) Express yourself creatively

“I nurture my own mental health through my other profession which is as a comic/writer….in writing my own material I get to see the humor in almost every situation and in performing it, I get to bring laughter…one of the greatest stress reducers of life….to others.” Jane Stroll

“I write in a journal often.” Xiomara A. Sosa

“I take a writing class, so that I can stay creative and do something that’s just for me!” Janet Zinn, LCSW

15. Get pampered

My personal favorites are a message and a pedicure. I try to do at least two pampering activities a month to help me relax and to nurture myself.  Ashley Bretting, MFT gets pampered by having her hair washed by someone else. Whether it’s a hot bubble bath or a leisurely walk, do something that feels nurturing on a regular basis.

16. Be a kid

Ashley Bretting “I bring out her inner child by coloring with crayons or paints!”

“I spend time with animals and children. The unconditional, pure love and affection from these creatures soothes the soul.” Nancy B. Irwin Psy.D

17. Get out of your head

“I bike to work as much as I can — this is a 30 minute commute by bike, 20 minutes by car.  In doing this, I ensure that I arrive at work very relaxed & calm (having just spent time close to nature — hearing the birds chirp and the wind blow and seeing green around).  When I leave the office at the end of the day, all of my worries get worked out by the time I get home.  So, I arrive at home very relaxed also!” Sally Palaian, PhD

18. Process your feelings regularly

Karen Hylen, Ph.D, of Summit Malibu Treatment Center suggest regularly sharing  your feelings with a friend or a loved one to avoid emotional explosions. Hylen shares this analogy:

When you bottle up your emotions, you are figuratively assembling a bomb in your head. Each feeling you bury in your head is you  putting together another piece of the bomb. Keep enough of your feelings to yourself and before you know it you’ll have an emotional explosion.

19. Focus on family

I enjoy spending time with my family. Going to the beach and reading or walking is especially refreshing. I take two trips a year with the family and then one with just my husband. Regina Bright, LMHC

“I make sure I make time for my loved ones. It is an anchoring force,” shares Dr. Anandhi Narasimhan.

20. Consult regularly on difficult situations

When I first went into independent practice I set up to have lunch or breakfast with a colleague also in independent practice every couple of weeks. It allowed us to bounce ideas off of each other and not feel so isolated in our work. Mark Sharp, Ph.D

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How Are Diabetes And Mental Health Connected?

I am quoted in a discussion of how Diabetes impact mental health and ways to cope. By Rheyanne Weaver |

Diabetes is a growing health condition that affects 25.8 million people of all ages in the United States, according to 2010 statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website.

These most recent statistics also state that 8.3 percent of the U.S. population has diabetes. While the number of people with diabetes increases, there are not only concerns for how diabetes impacts physical health but also mental health.

The American Diabetes Association website suggests that some people living with diabetes can experience some mental health issues due to having diabetes. These can include anger toward having a diagnosis in the first place, denial toward the diagnosis, and in more severe cases depression can result.

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Living with diabetes can be stressful as well, according to the American Psychological Association website. For example, people with diabetes might stress over their eating options at restaurants, so it’s important to develop coping methods for stress and to make sure to plan ahead for some situation.

People with diabetes can also learn to recognize negative feelings they have toward diabetes, and then learn how they can treat their diabetes. Mental health professionals can help people with diabetes develop intervention and treatment plans, and they can help with coping strategies.

The American Psychological Association website also stated that according to different studies, diabetes can lead to mental health issues like depression and slow mental processing. People with depression may also in general be more prone to type 2 diabetes.

The website emphasizes that a very small percentage of people who are diagnosed with diabetes actually follow a treatment plan involving changes in diet, exercise and taking medication, suggesting that people with diabetes are having issues with lifestyle changes.

Another study found that people who did work with a mental health professional on behavior change along with making lifestyle changes decreased their chances of getting diabetes.

Some experts share even more information about the link between diabetes and mental health.

Sujatha Ramakrishna, a clinical psychiatrist, said in an email that people with mental illnesses can be more prone to diabetes and other health problems because they are more likely to make unhealthy choices related to overall health, such as poor eating and exercise habits.

People with mental illnesses who take medication can also unknowingly increase their risk of getting diabetes.

“Antipsychotic medications, also known as mood stabilizers, are associated with an increased risk of diabetes,” Ramakrishna said. “It's recommended that patients who take these medications have their weight and blood sugar levels checked regularly by their physician. Other psychotropic medications, including SSRIs such as Prozac, can also cause weight gain, which in turn increases the chance that patients might develop diabetes.”

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Nerina Garcia-Arcement, a licensed clinical psychologist and a clinical assistant professor at the NYU School of Medicine, said in an email that there are many mental health issues to consider that are connected to diabetes.

“If someone has diabetes, this impacts and limits their physical abilities and diet,” Garcia-Arcement said. “This often leads to people experiencing sadness, anxiety, frustration and loss. If there are [amputations] due to complications from the diabetes, this often negatively impacts mental health.”

There are also many contributing factors related to diabetes that can lead to depression.

“The stress related to managing a chronic illness, plus fear/worry about a negative prognosis are excellent causes for depression,” Garcia-Arcement added.

Taking diabetes medication can lead to mental health issues indirectly, in addition to psychiatric medication leading to diabetes in some cases.

“Having to monitor sugar levels and take insulin is stressful, limiting of everyday activities and can lead to worry, stress, anxiety and sadness,” Garcia-Arcement said.

In general, especially if you have a mental illness, it’s beneficial to talk to a mental health professional so they can help with motivation, behavior changes and understanding the link between mood and health so you can maintain good health, she said.

“Research has shown that people with mental illness have shorter life spans, often because they neglect their health,” Garcia-Arcement said.

“For example, if you are depressed, you are less motivated to engage in pleasurable activities, get out and socialize, eat healthy ... and exercise. Many don't take their medication as prescribed, often forget doctor’s appointments, or don't have the motivation to make appointments and keep them. This in turn worsens their diabetes. As they get sicker, they often get more anxious and depressed.”

Elizabeth Mwanga, who was diagnosed in 2007 with type 1.5 diabetes (latent autoimmune diabetes), used to be morbidly obese and was close to death due to her diabetes. However, she made major changes in her eating and fitness routines, and since 2009 she hasn’t needed to take medication for diabetes and has even kept off the 100 pounds that she lost.

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She definitely sees a connection between mental health and diabetes, especially because many diabetics have high and low blood sugar levels that tend to affect mood.

“Blood sugar lows and highs can cause mood swings, which can be very disruptive,” Mwanga said in an email.

She said low blood sugar levels can lead to anger and minimal energy, and sometimes hallucinations and delirium. With high blood sugar levels, depression and mood swings can be a result.

“Diabetes requires 24/7 self-care management,” Mwanga said. “Sometimes this can be frustrating, overwhelming and depressing.”

“Food and fitness is linked to better physical health and diabetes management, which in turn effects mental health,” Mwanga added.

“I find myself feeling a lot more energetic and happier when I eat a diet full of fresh fruit and vegetables. I have also begun doing research on foods that raise serotonin levels. For example, I drink green tea (for the energy boost/antioxidants) during the day, and chamomile at night (for the calming effect, also full of antioxidants and anti-inflammatory properties). I eat whole raw almonds a lot, and lean turkey.

All of these foods are low GI ([low] glycemic foods are best for diabetics) and studies have shown that all aid to the process of serotonin.”

There is never a better time to make health your priority. Proper exercise, healthy diet and sleep routines are all key to the best overall health, and at least paying special attention to these areas of life will most likely decrease your risk of developing diabetes, other physical and mental health issues.

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