The Silver Lining in Tough Times

Do you use emotion words to help your child identify how something makes them feel? I was quoted on the benefits of encouraging your child to label their feelings. Life’s disappointments offer great lessons to kids. by Heidi Smith Luedtke

No one – including Supermom – can prevent kids from experiencing setbacks in life. Your daughter may miss the class field trip because she caught a nasty cold. Or she may come home crying when her science-fair project earns a less-than-hoped-for grade. Kids’ disappointments are no fun for parents to witness. But kids learn to lift themselves up when they get knocked down. Marriage and family therapist Christina Steinorth, M.A., author of “Cue Cards for Life” (Hunter House, 2013), says parents can help kids learn to bounce back from adversities by taking a teaching role. During tough times, aim to build your child’s coping skills and reinforce the value of persistence. Here’s how. Acknowledge Emotions Family and art therapist Erica Curtis, MFT, of Santa Monica, Calif., says kids’ setbacks may feel intensely personal to parents. “Parents need to clarify their own feelings about the situation,” she says. “A parent may be more disappointed – or may assume the child is more disappointed – than the child actually is.” Research shows we are biologically wired to catch others’ emotions through a process called emotional contagion. Mirroring 9/a S ilver Lining ;AaD_69a;@/U Life’s disappointments offer great lessons to kids. by Heidi Smith Luedtke others’ feelings promotes and preserves social connections by allowing us to feel empathy. But there is a downside: It’s easy to forget whose feelings you’re feeling. When that happens, you may overreact or respond ways that amplify your child’s distress instead of helping him regroup. It’s important to get an accurate read of your child’s feelings about what happened. Sometimes kids share intense bad feelings with parents, then move on quickly. Other times, kids may feel truly and utterly devastated. Pay close attention to your child’s words, body language, and behavior. All of these things provide insight into kids’ feelings and give clues about how effectively they are coping. Accept your child’s emotional reaction, even if it seems overblown. “Parents need to be able to tolerate kids’ bad feelings,” Curtis says, even if they are uncomfortable. Take a deep breath and remind yourself parenting is hard. If needed, step back and tend to your own emotions first, so you can give generous comfort and support to your child. Build Coping Skills Start by giving your child a safe place to share his experiences. “The most important thing a parent can do is to listen actively,” Curtis says. “That means nodding, paraphrasing back what you’ve heard, and asking questions instead of offering solutions.”

For instance, if your child reports, “I wanted our team to be called the ‘Crushers’ but the other guys didn’t listen,” mirror his feelings by responding, “It sounds like you really wanted the team to choose the name you suggested.” This shows you are listening and validates your child’s point of view. As your child describes the situation in greater detail, “encourage her to identify and label her feelings,” says Brooklyn, NY, clinical psychologist and mom Nerina Garcia-Arcement, Ph.D. Labeling emotions gives kids a sense of control and composure and decreases the chance they’ll act out in harmful ways to express their feelings. A child who says, “I feel angry because my best friend blabbed my secret to everyone else,” is ready to explore potential responses. One who just cries and moans, “It’s awful,” is not. As your child explains what happened, prompt him to identify potential reasons for the setback. For instance, you might ask, “What do you think got in the way of you running a faster race?” Rather than letting him focus on one or two obvious reasons, encourage your child to come up with more. There is usually a range of factors, both personal and situational, that may have affected an unhappy outcome. Explore each reason with your child to identify ways he could do things differently next time. This helps your child move from feeling bad to doing better. For instance, noting he felt tired

before the race started might lead your son to come up with ideas about eating a snack before the track meet or going to bed earlier. Specific action steps empower kids to bounce back on their own terms. Encourage your child to write down her intended actions, so she’ll remember the plan. This also reinforces her commitment to change. Offer your support by asking what you can do to facilitate your child’s goals. “Parents have to commit to making changes along with the child,” says Garcia-Arcement. If your child says she needs more practice to make first chair in the clarinet section, you may need to tweak the routine to find more practice time or designate practice space in your home. Bottom line: Do what you can to create a supportive environment. Pay It Forward After the pain has passed, talk with your child about what she learned. Focus on knowledge gained and skills developed. Perhaps your child learned how to speak up for herself. Or maybe she built project-planning skills – such as goal setting and task scheduling – that she can apply to other endeavors. If your child can’t articulate what she learned, share your own observations. And don’t forget to tell her you’re proud of her improvement. Kids need to know parents notice. When the next setback happens, remind your child how he handled previous situations and encourage him to apply past learning to present challenges. Be a confidant and a sounding board. Help your child find his own way forward. Then step back and watch him grow through adversity. Responding to disappointment with confidence, grit and good humor is the key to being a happy, successful person.

Every Setback Has a Silver Lining 1. When kids don’t get what they want, they learn to distinguish wants from needs. 2. When kids lose a treasured object, they learn to take responsibility for their belongings. 3. When kids lose a game or competition, they learn to celebrate others’ success. 4. When kids don’t live up to their own expectations, they learn the importance of second chances and self-compassion. 5. When kids are left out or pushed aside, they learn the power of acceptance and inclusion. 6. When kids miss opportunities due to dawdling, they tune in to their surroundings more attentively. 7. When kids feel upset because parents limit their screen time and sugary snacks, they learn healthy choices aren’t always the most fun. 8. When kids build something, then see it destroyed, they learn that revision is part of the creative process. 9. When kids fail an assignment or exam, they learn achievement isn’t easy or automatic. Everyone doesn’t get a trophy every time. 10. When kids disappoint their parents, they learn love is bigger, stronger, and more enduring than any misbehavior. And that’s the best lesson of all.

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Young Adults Are The Most Stressed Generation: Survey

Being young does not mean carefree.  Survey finds young Americans, aged 18-33, are among the most stressed. By Steven Reinberg

HealthDay Reporter

THURSDAY, Feb. 7 (HealthDay News) -- Young Americans between 18 and 33 years old -- the so-called millennials -- are more stressed than the rest of the population, according to a new report from the American Psychological Association.

What's stressing them out? Jobs and money mostly, said Norman Anderson, CEO of the American Psychological Association, during a Thursday morning press conference.

On a scale of 1 to 10, the millennial generation stands at 5.4 stress-wise, significantly higher than the national average of 4.9, the association found after surveying more than 2,000 Americans.

"Clearly there are a number of pressures facing young people that might account for this increase in stress," Anderson said. "These individuals are growing up in an era of unprecedented economic upheaval. This coincides with the time they are finishing school and trying to establish themselves in society."

Getting a job, starting a family and repaying student loans are all stressful, he added. "They have great difficulty finding jobs because of the higher unemployment and underemployment rates," Anderson said.

These young adults also don't feel they're getting support from the health system. Only 25 percent of millennials give the health care system an A grade, compared with 32 percent of the rest of the population, according to the report, Stress in America: Missing the Health Care Connection.

In addition, 49 percent said they aren't managing their stress well, and only 23 percent think their doctor helps them make healthy lifestyle and behavior changes "a lot or a great deal." Only 17 percent think their doctor helps them manage their stress.

"When people receive professional help to manage stress and make healthy behavior changes, they do better at achieving their health goals," Anderson said.

On that measure, the United States falls short, he said. To lower the rates of chronic illnesses and reduce the nation's health costs, "we need to improve how we view and treat stress and unhealthy behaviors that are contributing to the high incidence of disease in the United States."

Those who get support for stress from their doctor fare much better than those who don't, the researchers said.

People suffering from chronic illnesses report even less support for stress and lifestyle management than Americans without a chronic condition, according to the survey.

Despite seeing their doctor more often than most people, only 25 percent of those with a chronic illness say they get "a great deal or a lot" of stress management support from their doctor. And 41 percent of these chronically ill people said their stress level had increased in the past year, the researchers found.

The disconnect between what people need to manage stress and what the health care system delivers is evident at all ages, the survey found.

For example, 32 percent of respondents said it is extremely important to talk with their doctor about stress management, but only 17 percent said that happens often or always.

Fifty-three percent said they get little or no help with stress management from their doctor, and 39 percent said they have little or no support for other lifestyle issues. Those who felt unsupported were more likely than others to say their stress had increased during the previous year.

This problem is worse for the 20 percent of Americans who consider themselves extremely stressed, the researchers said. Among these people, 69 percent say their stress increased in the past year. Thirty-three percent, however, never discussed their increasing stress with their doctor, according to the report.

The report did find that many people know that controlling stress is important for good health. But for more than one-third of Americans, stress levels are on the rise, they noted.

More information

For more information on stress, visit the U.S. National Library of Medicine.

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How to Use Social Jujitsu To Snag New Business

How do you grow your client base? I was recently quoted in an article on expanding your business with confidence.

By: ANN BROWN

Monday, January 7, 2013

• Business Advice

Some executive leaders are born with it; other develop it. “Social Jujitsu” is the charisma that draws people and potential clients to you like a magnet. In the martial arts world, at its base the Japanese martial art of Jiujitsu is a method of defeating an opponent without a weapon. "Ju" is usually translated as "gentle, supple, flexible, pliable." And "Jitsu" is translated to mean "art" or "technique." Some experts say you can use the philosophy of jujitsu in the business world as the way to woo and win over colleagues and new business. But as with any art form, you have to develop and master the techniques.

Become more of who you are

The worse thing is to pretend to be someone you aren´t. So don´t fake it. “You don't develop a winning personality. You have one. Don't try to be someone you're not. The trick is letting it out,” says Mike Schultz, president and founder of RAIN, who is also a second degree black belt in Seirenkai Jujitsu. Adds Shari Goldsmith of Shari- Life Coach for Women, “Be you; true-to-you-authenticity is attractive. People can spot dishonesty a mile away.” The basics matter

Don´t throw common courtesy out of the window. Be polite and engaging. “Smile, offer a firm but not death grip handshake and open body language. Light touch is an HR no-no, but it's connecting,” Schultz points out. Do your homework

All clients appreciate knowing you have taken the time to study their company and their needs. They will be more attracted to you and what you are offering. “Know that you are offering your client something they need. Be aware of how you perceive your product or services. You are not simply asking for something from them but potentially solving a problem they have. Inquire about what they want to improve in their lives or business and explain how you can help them,” says Licensed Clinical Psychologist Dr. Nerina Garcia-Arcement, Clinical Assistant Professor at Dept. of Psychiatry, NYU School of Medicine and of the Williamsburg Therapy and Wellness.

Be all ears

Merely rattling off a sales pitch is an empty gesture. Listen to what is being said to you, what is being asked of you. “Listen more than you talk, but don't make it all listening,” says Schultz.

Apply the personal touch

You don´t need to tell a complete stranger or a potential client your life story, but sprinkle in personal bits into your conversation. “Don't be afraid to talk about personal things,” advises Schultz. “When you let your personality and personal life shine through, it can be very comforting to people who care about the same things. You have to find mutual areas of connection to build rapport.” Goldsmith agrees. “People want to do business with people that they like and trust. Focus on letting others see the real you and be consistently kind and honest,” she adds.

And, when you share, seek out information about your client. “Don't see people as just potential clients, see them as individuals you can get to know on a personal basis. Be friendly, look for potential connections and common interests.  This will help everyone feel more comfortable. For example, you both might have small children or enjoy the same sport,” stresses Dr. Garcia-Arcement. “Once you know your clients on a more personal level, this aids in breaking the ice at the next meeting. Inquire about their family, their favorite sport or recent trip. This will help everyone feel like they are doing business with a friend instead of a stranger.”

Throw out bias and discriminatory tendences

Never make assumptions. Not only is it a good rule in life but business as well. “Treat everyone the same, no matter what their station in life. You never know where your future business is going to come from. Don't judge,” says Goldsmith. Dare to be different

Being cookie cutter is boring. You want people to be excited about doing business with you, about having you around. “Be unique--know what makes you different and play it up,” says Goldsmith.

Do unto others..

The “me” generation has come and gone. When possible, help someone on a project. “Help others succeed. Focus on helping others succeed at their goals, and it will come back to you,” says Goldsmith. Confidence is dynamic

If you're timid about or unsure of yourself, your product/services, then how can you expect a customer to be eager to do business with you? “Feel confident in your product or service. Know why the product is worth selling. If you know the virtues of the product or services, it will show in your sales pitch,” advises Dr. Garcia-Arcement.

On call As a small business owner, you´re always on call. You have to be ready to tell someone about your product at a moment´s notice—and with passion. People tend to respond to this approach just because of the sheer enthusiasm. “Prepare the proverbial elevator speech. This speech is best if you don't have a lot of time and want to get the client's attention. What would you say about the product you are selling if you only had a few moments with a client? If you have that prepared and memorized, it will reduce your anxiety the next time you approach a client,” says Dr.  Garcia-Arcement.

Martial arts mindset

Martial arts philosophies can easily be applied to business and business situations. “As far as jujitsu, the best conversation and connection application is a concept called kuzushi. Kuzushi literally means unbalancing, and it's applied as a redirecting of energy from one direction gently but specifically to another,” explains Schultz, author of the bestseller Rainmaking Conversations. “If you know where you want to go in a conversation, you can gently move it down to that path from wherever it's going. But do it subtly. For example, if you want to talk about an exciting project you're working on, don't just start talking..Just ask the other person, 'What's the most exciting thing you're working on.' They'll share, and then they'll ask you. At the same time, they're thinking 'what a great conversationalist,' and you got them to do what you wanted without forcing it.”

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Bounce Back from Setbacks - Help Kids Handle Disappointment

How do you handle disappointment and how are you teaching your child to manage setbacks? I was recently quoted on how to help kids learn to manage when they feel disappointed. Written by Heidi Smith Luedtke, Ph.D.; Photo: PhotoXpress.com

No one – including Supermom – can prevent kids from experiencing setbacks in life. Your daughter may miss the class field trip because she caught a nasty cold. Or she may come home crying when her science-fair project earns a lower-than-hoped-for grade.

Kids’ disappointments are no fun for parents to witness. But kids learn to lift themselves up when they get knocked down. Marriage and family therapist Christina Steinorth, M.A., author of Cue Cards for Life, says parents can help kids learn to bounce back from adversities by taking a teaching role. During tough times, aim to build your child’s coping skills and reinforce the value of persistence. Here’s how.

Acknowledge emotions – Family and art therapist Erica Curtis, MFT, says kids’ setbacks may feel intensely personal to parents. When our kids hurt, we hurt too. “Parents need to clarify their own feelings about the situation,” she says. “A parent may be more disappointed – or may assume the child is more disappointed – than the child actually is.”

Research shows we are biologically wired to catch others’ emotions through a process called emotional contagion. Mirroring others’ feelings promotes and preserves social connections by allowing us to feel empathy. But there is a downside: It’s easy to forget whose feelings you’re feeling. When that happens, you may overreact or respond with ways that amplify your child’s distress instead of helping them regroup.

It’s important to get an accurate read of your child’s feelings about what happened. Sometimes kids share intense bad feelings with parents then move on quickly. Other times, kids may feel truly and utterly devastated. Pay close attention to your child’s words, body language and behavior. All of these things provide insight into kids’ feelings and give clues about how effectively they are coping.

Accept your child’s emotional reaction, even if it seems overblown. “Parents need to be able to tolerate kids’ bad feelings,” says Curtis, even if they are uncomfortable. Take a deep breath and remind yourself parenting is hard. If needed, step back and tend to your own emotions first, so you can give generous comfort and support to your child.

Build coping skills – Start by giving your child a safe place to share their experiences. “The most important thing a parent can do is to listen actively. That means nodding, paraphrasing back what you’ve heard and asking questions instead of offering solutions,” says Curtis. If your child reports, “I wanted our team to be called the ‘Crushers’ but the other guys didn’t listen,” mirror his feelings by responding, “It sounds like you really wanted the team to choose the name you suggested.” This shows you are listening and validates your child’s point of view.

As your child describes the situation in greater detail, “encourage her to identify and label her feelings,” says clinical psychologist and mom Nerina Garcia-Arcement, Ph.D. Assigning specific emotion words to feelings helps kids address them more effectively. A child who says, “I feel angry because my best friend blabbed my secret to everyone else,” is ready to explore potential responses. One who just cries and moans, “It’s awful,” is not. Labeling emotions gives kids a sense of control and composure and decreases the chance they’ll act out in harmful ways to express their feelings.

As your child explains what happened, prompt them to identify potential reasons for the setback. For instance, you might ask, “What do you think got in the way of you running a faster race?” Instead of letting them focus on one or two obvious reasons, encourage your child to come up with more. There is usually a range of factors, both personal and situational, that may have affected an unhappy outcome.

Explore each reason with your child to identify ways they could do things differently next time. This helps your child move from feeling bad to doing better. For instance, noting they felt tired before the race started might lead your child to come up with ideas about eating a snack before the track meet or going to bed earlier. Specific action steps empower kids to bounce back on their own terms.

Encourage your child to write down their intended actions, so they’ll remember the plan. This also reinforces their commitment to change. Offer your support by asking what you can do to facilitate your child’s goals. “Parents have to commit to making changes along with the child,” says Garcia-Arcement. If your child says they need more practice to make first chair in the clarinet section, you may need to tweak the afterschool routine to find more practice time or designate a music-practice space in your home. Bottom line: Do what you can to create a supportive environment.

Pay it forward – After the pain has passed, talk with your child about what they learned. Focus on knowledge gained and skills developed. Perhaps your child learned how to speak up for themselves. Or maybe they built project-planning skills – such as goal-setting and task-scheduling – that they can apply to other endeavors. If your child can’t articulate what they learned, share your own observations. And don’t forget to tell them you’re proud of their improvement. Kids need to know parents notice.

When the next setback happens, remind your child how they handled previous situations and encourage them to apply past learning to present challenges. Be a confidant and a sounding board. Help your child find their own way forward. Then step back and watch them grow through adversity. Responding to disappointment with confidence, grit and good humor is the key to being a happy, successful person.

Heidi Smith Luedtke, Ph.D., is a personality psychologist, mom of two and author of Detachment Parenting. Learn more at heidiluedtke.com.

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Meditation makes you more creative

Want to be more creative? Practice open monitoring meditation. Apr. 19, 2012 — Certain meditation techniques can promote creative thinking. This is the outcome of a study by cognitive psychologist Lorenza Colzato and her fellow researchers at Leiden University, published 19 April in Frontiers in Cognition.

This study is a clear indication that the advantages of particular types of meditation extend much further than simply relaxation. The findings support the belief that meditation can have a long-lasting influence on human cognition, including how we think and how we experience events.

Two ingredients of creativity

The study investigates the influences of different types of meditative techniques on the two main ingredients of creativity: divergent and convergent styles of thinking.

• Divergent thinking: Divergent thinking allows many new ideas to be generated. It is measured using the so-called Alternate Uses Task method where participants are required to think up as many uses as possible for a particular object, such as a pen.
• Convergent thinking: Convergent thinking, on the other hand, is a process whereby one possible solution for a particular problem is generated. This method is measured using the Remote Associates Task method, where three unrelated words are presented to the participants, words such as 'time', 'hair' and 'stretch'. The participants are then asked to identify the common link: in this case, 'long'.

Analysis of meditation techniques

Colzato used creativity tasks that measure convergent and divergent thinking to assess which meditation techiques most influence creative activities. The meditation techniques analysed are Open Monitoring and Focused Attention meditation.

• In Open Monitoring meditation the individual is receptive to all the thoughts and sensations experienced without focusing attention on any particular concept or object.
• In Focused Attention meditation the individual focuses on a particular thought or object.

Different types of meditation have different effects

These findings demonstrate that not all forms of meditation have the same effect on creativity. After an Open Monitoring meditation the participants performed better in divergent thinking, and generated more new ideas than previously, but Focused Attention (FA) meditation produced a different result. FA meditation also had no significant effect on convergent thinking leading to resolving a problem.

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Tuning in to psychology

Can't get to a lecture room, but curious about the latest research in psychology.  Here is a simple and free way to access lectures through iTunes U. Thanks to iTunes U, free psychology lectures are pumping through the earbuds of thousands of students, professionals and curious laypeople around the world.

By Anna Miller

Monitor Staff

January 2013, Vol 44, No. 1

Print version: page 28

Last spring, Daniel Stokols, PhD, of the University of California–Irvine, video recorded his environmental psychology lectures as a first foray into developing an online course. A proponent of face-to-face interactions with students, Stokols saw the videos as a useful supplement to classroom-based learning, not a substitute for it. He uploaded the videos to iTunes U, a component of the iTunes music store that features free academic content, and proceeded with his course as usual. "I thought maybe 100 people would view the course," he says. Fast forward a few months. Apple had featured Stokols's course on its iTunes U homepage. By late July, the course had more student enrollments per week than any other. By September, it had reached 100,000 subscribers and, for months, it remained one of iTunes U's top 10 courses. In November, subscriptions topped 170,000 students.

"It's mind-boggling," says Stokols, who has taught at UCI for nearly 40 years and has "never come close" to reaching that many students. Now, he's heard from a photographer in Germany who says the course has changed the way she interprets her photos; a nurse anesthesia student in Pittsburgh who learned that surgical patients require less pain medication if their beds face windows; and a professor in China who had never heard of environmental psychology before.

"The gratifying part is the feedback from people around the world who are enjoying the material and finding it useful," he says.

Stokols is just one of a growing number of professors turning to iTunes U to host content for their students and share high-quality educational material with the public. Apple launched the platform in 2007; Stanford, UC-Berkeley, MIT and Duke were among the first to sign on. Professors can upload syllabi, handouts, quizzes, slides and links to online resources in addition to audio and video lectures. Students, professionals and curious laypeople can access the courses for free via their computers (PCs included) or with an iPod, iPhone or iPad. The iOS application, which launched in January 2012, had been downloaded more than 14 million times by the end of the year.

"What's really heartening is … how hungry people are for good science," says Dacher Keltner, PhD, of UC Berkeley, whose "Psychology of Emotion" course was listed as one of the top five educational downloads in Wired magazine. He regularly gets feedback from listeners, including an employee at a cardboard box-making factory who's found that the lectures make his job bearable and a retired attorney who said that if he had known about the science of emotion earlier, his professional life and marriage would have been different.

Many universities don't appear to have a problem with providing the public with the same content –– but not the credits –– that students pay big bucks for. At Yale, for example, Fred Volkmar's course on autism serves as a reliable source in an Internet pool diluted with millions of websites selling cures for autism. "It's very consistent with Yale's vision of wanting to get quality product out there," he says.

Below is a sampling of some of the psychology courses available on iTunes U. To access the courses, download the iTunes app or go to the iTunes store.

Tuning in to psychology

Thanks to iTunes U, free psychology lectures are pumping through the earbuds of thousands of students, professionals and curious laypeople around the world.

By Anna Miller

Monitor Staff

January 2013, Vol 44, No. 1

Print version: page 28

Last spring, Daniel Stokols, PhD, of the University of California–Irvine, video recorded his environmental psychology lectures as a first foray into developing an online course. A proponent of face-to-face interactions with students, Stokols saw the videos as a useful supplement to classroom-based learning, not a substitute for it. He uploaded the videos to iTunes U, a component of the iTunes music store that features free academic content, and proceeded with his course as usual. "I thought maybe 100 people would view the course," he says. Fast forward a few months. Apple had featured Stokols's course on its iTunes U homepage. By late July, the course had more student enrollments per week than any other. By September, it had reached 100,000 subscribers and, for months, it remained one of iTunes U's top 10 courses. In November, subscriptions topped 170,000 students.

"It's mind-boggling," says Stokols, who has taught at UCI for nearly 40 years and has "never come close" to reaching that many students. Now, he's heard from a photographer in Germany who says the course has changed the way she interprets her photos; a nurse anesthesia student in Pittsburgh who learned that surgical patients require less pain medication if their beds face windows; and a professor in China who had never heard of environmental psychology before.

"The gratifying part is the feedback from people around the world who are enjoying the material and finding it useful," he says.

Stokols is just one of a growing number of professors turning to iTunes U to host content for their students and share high-quality educational material with the public. Apple launched the platform in 2007; Stanford, UC-Berkeley, MIT and Duke were among the first to sign on. Professors can upload syllabi, handouts, quizzes, slides and links to online resources in addition to audio and video lectures. Students, professionals and curious laypeople can access the courses for free via their computers (PCs included) or with an iPod, iPhone or iPad. The iOS application, which launched in January 2012, had been downloaded more than 14 million times by the end of the year.

"What's really heartening is … how hungry people are for good science," says Dacher Keltner, PhD, of UC Berkeley, whose "Psychology of Emotion" course was listed as one of the top five educational downloads in Wired magazine. He regularly gets feedback from listeners, including an employee at a cardboard box-making factory who's found that the lectures make his job bearable and a retired attorney who said that if he had known about the science of emotion earlier, his professional life and marriage would have been different.

Many universities don't appear to have a problem with providing the public with the same content –– but not the credits –– that students pay big bucks for. At Yale, for example, Fred Volkmar's course on autism serves as a reliable source in an Internet pool diluted with millions of websites selling cures for autism. "It's very consistent with Yale's vision of wanting to get quality product out there," he says.

Below is a sampling of some of the psychology courses available on iTunes U. To access the courses, download the iTunes app or go to the iTunes store.

"Environmental psychology"

University of California, Irvine

Instructor: Daniel Stokols, PhD, chancellor's professor of social ecology in the departments of psychology and social behavior, and planning, policy and design

Why tune in? Environmental psychology is about how we're influenced by our everyday surroundings, including our offices, dorm rooms, commutes and exposures to nature. Stokols's course addresses a variety of issues, including how the design of an apartment influences the formation of friendships, why people litter and the consequences of a society suffering from information overload. "Today, there's so much concern about issues of sustainability, public health, pollution and population growth that viewing the world as a system and in ecological terms … is very timely," says Stokols.

Fun fact from the course: People are more likely to throw away trash in a garbage can that's painted decoratively than one that's plain.

"Health psychology"

American University

Instructor: Brian Yates, PhD, professor of psychology

Why tune in? Yates originally intended iTunes U to serve as a resource for his own students, who are challenged to evaluate and change their own habits to promote health. They assess their personal risks, identify what they want to change and maintain, and set up a system of "triggers and flags" that will signal when it's time to seek professional help in the future. The material has caught on — his course is consistently one of the top 10 downloaded from iTunes U and had more than 35,000 enrollees in October. "The field is very exciting. It's young, dynamic, it affects every one of us," says Yates. "That's what psychology is supposed to do."

Surprising fact from the course: One study of HIV-positive men found that those who tended to blame themselves for negative outside events experienced a significantly faster decline in helper T cells, important for maintaining immune function.

"Human emotion"

University of California, Berkeley

Instructor: Dacher Keltner, PhD, professor of psychology and director of Berkeley's Social Interaction Laboratory

Why tune in? Keltner's course has always been well-attended, so it was Berkeley's idea to make it available to the public through iTunes U. The course details fascinating research on art and emotional expression, cultural similarities and differences in non-verbal expressions, and emotion's neurobiological and hormonal underpinnings. "The study of human emotion is new, it's growing and it's relevant to people around the world," says Keltner.

Interesting fact from the course: People can usually accurately convey — and interpret — emotion through nothing more than a brief touch. But in a study conducted by Keltner and his team, there were two instances in which the "touchee" was clueless: When women tried to convey anger to men, and when men tried to communicate sympathy to women. "That fits how emotions are gendered, and how families socialize women into the ways of sympathy and men into the ways of anger that might account for these differences," he says.

"Autism and related disorders"

Yale University

Instructor: Fred Volkmar, MD, chief of child psychiatry at Yale-New Haven Children's Hospital

Why tune in? A rotating panel of mental health experts lead this course on the latest autism research, including a lecture by Volkmar's co-instructor, James McPartland, PhD, that details how brain electrophysiology is informing researchers' understanding of social perception in autism. "This is a happy story in the sense that outcomes seem to be getting better with early intervention and protection," says Volkmar, who estimates the course's first lecture has gotten about 21,000 views on iTunes.

Interesting fact from the course: One of the early theories of autism speculated that intelligent parents were more likely to have autistic children. But the idea was likely a selection bias: The people who knew about what's now known as autism were predominantly researchers or other academics. "Now," he says, "you see children with autism everywhere … from all social classes, from every continent on the globe — and it looks remarkably the same. What's different is how people respond to it."

"Great ideas in psychology"

Missouri State University

Instructor: Todd Daniel, professor of psychology and director of Missouri State's RStats (Research, Statistical Training, Analysis and Technical Support) Institute

Why tune in? Daniel is a former radio producer who uses his storytelling skills to bring psychology to life in this introductory course. The course, which is Missouri State's most downloaded podcast, begins with the "Myth of Psyche" and takes the listener through an engaging overview of psychology including lectures on dreaming and hypnosis, a health course dubbed "Why College Is Bad for You" and the truth about Freud. "After I do a lecture in front of a seated class, when it's over, it's gone like a vapor," says Daniel. "I wanted to create something more permanent."

Surprising fact from the course: In 1964, a man named Randy Gardner went 264 hours, or about 11 days, without sleep. He was trying to prove that sleep wasn't all that important, but the changes noted in his cognitive and behavioral functioning proved otherwise — a lesson Daniel tries to impart on his students. "Your best strategy is to get a good night's sleep," he says.

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New Year, New Tips To Handle Work Stress

By Nerina Garcia-Arcement, Ph.D. Stress is on the rise in the United States. In a recent APA survey, Americans reported a 44% increase in their stress over the past five years. What are people worried about?  Money, relationships, work and the economy are at the top of the list.  Work is a popular concern. Not only are individuals worried about losing their jobs in this down economy but also about increased job responsibilities and difficult interpersonal relationships.  All this worry impacts your sleep, physical and mental health, and productivity. It also erodes your ability to be patient when dealing with others—all things that can make working more difficult and put your job at risk.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. The good news is you can change this. There are simple steps you can take that will help you manage your stress and improve your quality of life. Below are proven stress reduction suggestions you can use at work and at home.

While at work build into your day these three tips.

1. Walk away from what is stressing you and take regular breaks. Time-outs are not just for toddlers. They are an effective coping strategy that will allow you to clear your mind and refocus, as well as be more productive and creative.

2. Take deep breaths. Shallow breathing increases anxiety, while deep, slow breathing helps calm your mind and body.

3. Stretch your tense muscles. For example, progressive muscle relaxation sends your brain a message that you are safe and relaxed which helps reduce stress and anxiety.

While at home, try these habits regularly to decrease your stress.

1. Practice yoga. Even a few minutes will help calm your mind and relax your body.

2. Use imagery. Imagine yourself in a safe place, such as the beach or a cabin in the mountains. If imagining a peaceful place is difficult, you can use memories from a favorite vacation spot or familiar personal sanctuary (even if it’s just your favorite bench in Central Park).  Your memories will trigger positive feelings and distract you from your stress at the same time.

3. Speak to a trusted friend or family member. Share what is upsetting you, whether in person or over the phone. Social support is a great stress reducer and mood enhancer.

Preventing stress before you feel it is even better. Follow these suggestions to stop the stress before it hits.

1. Have open communication with your supervisors/bosses about what projects you are working on and their status.

2. Ask for help when you need it. We all require assistance at some point. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need.

3. Create a detailed list of work requirements and deadlines. This way you don't waste mental energy keeping track of what needs to get done and instead focus on how to accomplish those tasks.

If these tips are not enough, consider talking to a mental health provider that specializes in stress management.

Visit http://www.apapracticecentral.org for more information about stress.

Managing and supporting grieving employees

I was quoted in this article discussing the benefits of supporting employees through their grief. By www.hrmonline

Losing a close friend or family member, a child or spouse, is a nightmare for all of us and when it happens to a co-worker or employer then we can struggle to know how to support. While there are policies in place for grievance leave, what do you do when the affect is felt for weeks or months

Licensed therapist Steve Havertz knows from experience the difference between having a supportive manager, and management that seems to view your struggle as a cost to them.

Havertz lost his wife in 2003, but leave constraints meant he had to return to work after just 10 days. Despite the quick turnaround the positive relationship he had with his manager made it easier to manage a return to work.

“I had a great relationship with my boss and she was always asking how I was doing. That made a huge difference. I felt supported and she was understanding and supportive,” he said. “I thought I was an expert on grief and loss until I actually experienced it two times. Now I really am an expert personally and professionally.”

A few years later Havertz’ young daughter was diagnosed with cancer. He worked hard to balance full-time work with her cancer treatments, but while his direct supervisor was supportive he received emails from the “uppers” querying why he needed the leave.

“It left a very bad taste in my mouth,” he said. “Then when Emmalee died [in 2009], my boss has changed and the ‘uppers’ were the same and both not supportive. I was did not dare talk about any of my feelings and even let them know I was struggling.”

With further conflict over the next six to 12 months, Havertz ended up leaving the company. The difference wasn’t in how much leave he got, but in how caring his company was.

“It make all the difference if the EE feels support and is asked how they are doing for months after the loss. Talk to them weekly to see how they are carrying to load of work, emotions, family and personal health. I don't think the amount of time off is the issue, it is the amount of concern felt and support given.”

It’s a sentiment echoed by New York clinical psychologist Nerina Garcia-Arcement, who said supporting employees is economically, as well as morally responsible. Grieving employees often feel emotionally and cognitively impaired and are less productive.

“They will likely not be as productive, as their attention, memory and concentration will be impacted by their emotional response to their loss,” Garcia-Arcement said. “This is a time when employers can show sensitivity and as a by-product gain increased loyalty and appreciation from an employee.

That employee is likely to return to work feeling grateful for the support they received from their employer and "give" back to their employers through increase productivity, Garcia-Arcement added.

link to article

Money matters

This article touches on the stressor of money and its impact on marriages.  Money is a leading cause for separation, this article addresses the importance of dealing with it in therapy.

Psychologists are helping young couples stay afloat financially in increasingly turbulent economic waters.

By Rebecca Voelker

October 2012, Vol 43, No. 9

Print version: page 48

Troubled young couples who see Brad Klontz, PsyD, in his Kapaa, Hawaii, psychology practice often end up talking about more than their relationship with each other: They find themselves discussing their relationship with money, too.

"Some of the symptoms bringing them in—feeling depressed, feeling anxious, having panic attacks—they may not know how much the role of money is playing in those symptoms," says Klontz, a clinical psychologist and certified financial planner.

Unprecedented levels of student debt, high credit card debt and a dismal job outlook have presented some young couples with financial challenges their parents and grandparents didn't have to face. These days, more psychologists are stepping in to help couples tackle their financial burdens. Money stresses are nothing new for couples just starting out, but trying to resolve them in therapy is.

"There is a much greater awareness now among general psychologists that this is a very important issue to explore," says Philadelphia psychologist Maggie Baker, PhD, also an expert in financial issues.

To respond to the growing need for psychologists to talk to their clients about money management, Atlanta financial psychologist Mary Gresham, PhD, is spearheading an effort to launch an APA division of financial psychology. She's circulating a petition supporting its creation, and financial planners welcome her efforts.

"A trained, educated psychologist is a necessary component in certain financial planning relationships," says Paul Auslander, president of the Financial Planning Association. Some couples can benefit from behavior modification techniques to curb runaway spending or make spending compromises, he says. "But I suspect that there aren't enough financially trained psychologists to help couples coping with recession repercussions."

Combining households, combining money

A common scenario that brings on financial turmoil for newlyweds is that although they may have lived together before marriage, they failed to discuss their financial union before they said "I do," says Gresham. "They had operated under the roommate plan, where each one pays half of the expenses or one pays one set of bills and the other pays another set," she explains. But as they settled into married life, neither spouse knew what was going on with their partners' money. "Then they can't figure out how to collaborate, how to mix the money together."

Gresham looks at four issues with every couple: "math," values, emotions and process. To begin helping couples work through these issues, Gresham asks the couple to take an objective look at how they spend their money, using tracking software so they can see how their income is distributed among rent or a mortgage and other commitments. Baker takes a similar approach in beginning her work with couples. "It's important to get facts into the room," she says.

Seeing how much cash disappears in a $4 latte or a meal out can be a sobering experience. "The emotions start to come in all through this process," says Gresham. That's when she probes more deeply, asking couples about how their perceptions of money growing up affects them as adults. For example, children of cash-careful families may hoard their money as adults, while free-spending families may have kids who later on can't hang on to a paycheck. The reverse can happen, too.

"If a spender marries a hoarder, over time there's bound to be conflict," says Baker. "The spender loves the immediate gratification of spending, but for a hoarder it's almost painful to spend money."

A generational change

In Hawaii, Klontz is conducting research to understand couples and their finances, surveying 422 adults ages 18 to 80, with varying levels of income, education and net worth. His research, published last year in the Journal of the Financial Therapy Association, shows that younger adults are more likely than their parents or grandparents to have potentially damaging "money scripts"—subconscious beliefs that drive their financial behaviors. He found that adults 30 years old and younger were most likely to be "money avoiders" who become anxious, fearful or even disgusted when the conversation turns to money. Younger adults also were more likely to equate net worth with self-worth and to believe that the more money they have, the happier they will be.

These beliefs, Klontz says, are linked with lower income and net worth. People with these views may set themselves up for financial failure by simply ignoring money issues, giving assets away, gambling excessively or compulsively buying things they want but can't afford. "Very often in my work with couples, conflicts over money are really the result of conflicting money scripts," he says.

He uses a psychodynamic approach to examine clients' experiences with money in childhood. Living with a workaholic parent who pursued an ever-bigger paycheck but never was at home or being in a family that neglected life's necessities because parents hoarded cash could trigger present-day money troubles. "The more emotional the experience, the more rigidly these beliefs become locked in place," Klontz says.

Healing begins, he says, when a couple can open up to each other and be empathetic. "They may have very different attitudes about money, but if they can hear each other and respect each other, then they can come to a compromise" about sound money management.

"They become a money team instead of money adversaries," Gresham adds.

Link to article

What Can I Do to Help? 5 Things You Can Do for Someone With Cancer

I was quoted regarding how to help and offer support to a loved one with a cancer diagnosis.

2 0 1 2Aug13

What Can I Do to Help? 5 Things You Can Do for Someone With Cancer

Posted by Staff

When it comes to a loved one being diagnosed with cancer, it can be hard to know the right things to do for them. Everyone has different preferences and ways of dealing with hard times, but there is always something you can do! Here are the best tips and pieces of advice from those who should know best!

1. Send letters, care packages or gift cards that offer a little extra support and help.

My coworkers went together and got me a very generous Visa Giftcard that we could use anywhere to help offset some of our gas, medication and other miscellaneous costs. This was incredibly nice and generous of them and really came in handy at a time when we needed some relief. -- Laura Ybarra, currently undergoing chemo for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

Choose gifts that are personal and useful that they will appreciate. My favorites are an e-reader that can be downloaded with books by that person's favorite author or an iPod shuffle that can be loaded with their favorite music. These are great welcome distractions during the long hours of chemo or waiting in a doctor's office. -- Lisa Lurie, cancer survivor and co-founder of Cancer Be Glammed.

Visits may be too much for someone who is severely ill or weak from treatment. If that's the case, get some greeting cards and mail one each day to the patient. Yes, snail mail -- it brightens someone's spirits to know they're thought of. Include jokes, affirmations, inspirational sayings and cartoons. -- Tina Tessina, psychotherapist and author.

2. Think of the other family members and caregivers. They need support, too!

If the person has children, schedule a few outings or daytrips with them. The parent can rest and recover at home, knowing that the kids are safe and having fun. -- Stacey Vitiello, breast cancer physician and radiologist.

Reach out to the spouse, parent or significant other to ask them what you can do to help. They will know best. Offer to bring a meal, do grocery shopping or any other errand with which they may need assistance. -- Helen Szablya, Peritoneal Carcinomatosis survivor.

If you’re not the main caretaker, ask that person how they’re doing. Offer them support. Give them a break. Bring over a dvd movie, a piece of fruit, some cookies—something for the caretaker alone, or that they can share. Give the caretaker has a few hours of “me time” while you stay with the patient. -- Claudia Mulcahy, breast cancer surivivor.

3. Keep things as normal as possible by being yourself and doing activities together!

I needed to live everyday as though my cancer was not there. Even if it is just doing one activity that the person loves and can handle. Let them decide to a degree to what they can handle as well.-- Laura Ann Tull, breast cancer survivor.

Be yourself and be present. Don’t shy away and disappear and don’t try to be another person. They want the person you were BEFORE the cancer diagnosis. -- Susan Bratton, Chief Executive Officer of Meals To Heal.

Encourage them to get out of their home. Come over and take a walk with them, drive them around the block or simply sit outside with them. -- Nerina Garcia-Arcement, Ph.D Licensed Clinical Psychologist.

4. Ask, don’t assume.

Instead of assuming what they need, simply ask. Many friends and family of patients think that they should already know what they need, and what they should be doing for them. They will appreciate your straightforwardness. -- Molly Tyler, Director of e+CancerHome.

Ask if the patient wants to get phone calls, and then call within the acceptable hours to give news, or to listen, but don't make the patient do the talking unless he or she wants to. -- Tina Tessina, psychotherapist and author.

5. Suggest support programs and websites.

Encourage the cancer patient or their support team to create a website so they can post the progress and not receive a million calls each day. -- Helen Szablya, Peritoneal Carcinomatosis survivor.

When someone is going through treatment for an illness, it’s hard for them to answer the phone and stay in touch with all the people who want to talk to them. Caring Bridge is a great service that they can use to keep everyone informed about how they are and in addition people can send them good wishes. -- Lisa Lurie, cancer survivor, co-founder of Cancer Be Glammed.

Encourage your friend or family member to join a cancer support group, this form of social support can extend their life. -- Nina Garcia-Arcement, Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist.

Link to article

Organizing Your Life

I was recently on the Colin Lively Show, discussing how to declutter your mind.  The entire show was filled with helpful tips on how to better organize your home, office and mind. The description for the show is below:

Oh lord, if this show wasn’t sent from on-high, than it was Hildamae’s dying wish coming true: get Colin to clean his room! So, there it is, the cat is out of my Birkin bag: I can be rather messy. But aren’t we all? Whether it be in mind, life, schedule, desk, purse, closet, or your inbox, somewhere you are a little messy; and a little messy can lead to a great deal of stress. It is, as Dawn Falcone put it, “stuck energy.” For me, Consuelo un-sticks my stuck energy four times a week, but that doesn’t cover all my bases: I still need to go to Dr. Feldheim, my therapist, and Dr. Koplowitz, my psychiatrist, to get my mind in order.

I was stunned to learn that our outer world is very much a reflection of our inner world. For instance, a messy desk can be a sign of a stressful work environment or chronic work overload. It is important to create systems that keep our lives orderly and neat. We do not need to be neat freaks, but organization is one of the keys to happiness. Growing up, we polished the silver under the iron fist of Hildamae, she said the harder we scrubbed the more we would feel her love. Boy was she right! Three hours of polishing spoons made my wrist feel so loved that they were practically stuck in an arthritic state until my mid-40s. “Sheets tight enough on which to bounce a quarter,” she would demand. By the time I went to college, I had had enough Old Dutch Cleanser, Clorox and Bon-Ami running through my blood that I vowed never to clean again. And I have not touched a mop since!

This week I will be speaking with three personal organizers and a psychologist, and we are going see how we can change our state of mind with a Swiffer, or two, or forty-seven.

This week I will be speaking with three personal organizers and a psychologist, and we are going see how we can change our state of mind with a Swiffer, or two, or forty-seven.

Dawn Falcone is not only passionate about organization, she knows it has a HUGE impact on personal sanity, success, and overall stress level. She emphasizes the point that reducing clutter and chaos will ultimately bring reward in the form of clarity, serenity, and time. She works closely with her clients to design spaces that reflect their personality and spirit. Dawn is a proud member of the (National Association of Professional Organizers) and is a certified interior environmental coach. Her work has appeared in many publications including: Real Simple, Woman’s World, Home And Garden Television, and Apartment Therapy.

Bonnie Joy Dewkett is the founder of The Joyful Organizer and is an organizing expert, author, motivational speaker, and radio personality – oh and she is an expert in time management! Boy oh boy does she know how to block-out a day!

Andrea Brundage of Simple Organized Solutions (S.O.S.) offers personalized hands-on organizational solutions to help small-to-medium sized business owners and homeowners function in efficient and organized environments. In partnership with its clients, S.O.S. creates “sensible solutions for your organizational needs.”

Dr. Nerina Garcia-Arcement is a licensed Clinical Psychologist and a Clinical Assistant Professor, in the Dept. of Psychiatry, at NYU School of Medicine. She specializes in challenges associated with life transitions, stress, anxiety, and depression.She provides a holistic therapeutic session by using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and insight oriented/psychodynamic techniques to identify current problems, develop individualized strategies to ease stress, and gain insight into understanding one’s patterns in behavior. Dr. Garcia strongly advocates the act of self exploration, which helps us understand the way we think and act, it will also help shed light on our behaviors that worked in the past but are not effective any longer.

Link to podcast/show

Organizing Your Life

Experts Share Tips on Getting the Life You Want Right Now

I was quoted on how to problem solve and set goals. By Rheyanne Weaver |

Remember those 10 pounds you were supposed to lose last year? Or what about that fantasy novel you were supposed to start writing during that recent vacation?

Many people have goals and a basic outline of what their ideal life would be, but they don’t necessarily do what it takes to get the life they want. Luckily there are experts who can help you find that inner power to start living your true life right now.

Stever Robbins, the host of the “Get-it-Done Guy” business podcast, an executive coach and adjunct lecturer at Babson College, has four tips for people who know what they want to do in life, they just haven’t managed to get there yet.

1) “Stay connected to them on a regular basis. Draw out a life map that connects your daily projects to your highest goals and review it daily, so you can see how the little items are connected to your big motivators.”

2) “Plan for change. Any big change of goals will change who you hang out with, what you talk about, and how you go about your daily life. Think that through ahead of time, anticipate the changes, and set up structures to make them happen.”

3) “Get a friend. It's easier when you have someone else and can hold each other mutually accountable.”

4) “Start with action and controlled experiments. Don't quit your day job to write your novel. Find ways to write small pieces at no risk, and then increase your writing only if it's really giving you the joy/happiness/progress you want.”

Mark Wiggins, a motivational speaker, trainer, co-creator of the Journey to Success program, and author of the book “Permission to Succeed: The Only Person Who Needs To Give It Is You,” gave six straightforward steps of his suggested process toward achieving goals:

1. “Determine your destination.”

2. “Identify your purpose.”

3. “Set your goals.”

4. “Develop your strategy.”

5. “Take action.”

6. “Evaluate your progress.”

Michelle King, a personal and motivational life and relationship coach, has five motivational tips for people who need a jumpstart toward their goals:

1) “Get clear on exactly what it is you want to achieve and accomplish in life. Brainstorm the idea and strain out the maybe's and the no's pertaining to the goal. When you have reached a complete and utter ‘Yes, this is exactly what I want,’ then the ability to move forward becomes so much more smoother.”

2) “Set a time frame as to when this goal needs to be accomplished. A time frame creates an urgency and establishes the motivation that is needed to accomplish your affirmation.”

3) “Realistically, list exactly what it is that is slowing you down and standing in your way of achieving what you set out to do. Once you acknowledge the obstacles, consider how these obstacles are impacting your ability to move forward. One by one, work through the obstacles that are holding you back. You will discover that many of these obstacles are much more minimal than you thought, and can be overcome just by addressing that specific issue or eliminating it from your life. For example, if you are on a mission to lose 30 pounds but have a pantry filled with junk food, how else are you going to resist the temptation of eating the food if you don't get rid of it? Be bold and be brave about eliminating these obstacles -- it's only for your benefit.”

4) “Make sure you tell someone what you are trying to achieve so that you can receive the support you will need at obtaining your ultimate goal. Seek out a friend or professional that will ensure you are holding yourself accountable for what you desire to accomplish.”

5) “Once you've accomplished one major goal through this process, the ability to achieve the next goal or goals will be obtained with ease and confidence. Take it one step at a time.”

Nerina Garcia-Arcement, a licensed clinical psychologist and clinical assistant professor at NYU School of Medicine, said in an email that it’s important to not just have major goals, but to have small goals along the way that are realistic. This helps build confidence and self-esteem enough to achieve even larger goals in the future.

She also suggested listing benefits of a certain goal, as well as the obstacles, and putting that list in a place that stands out the most at home or work. This list will be a reminder for achieving that major goal, and also help work on removing the obstacles.

Lauren Whitt, a motivational counselor and corporate wellness practitioner, has three additional unique tips to help you on your path to success:

1) "Track your goals daily by using a ‘mirror tracker.’ Using a dry erase marker, list out your goals on a mirror you look at daily. Make a note or tally of progress each day. This will help as both a reminder and a motivator as you see what you've accomplished."

2) "As you achieve both smaller and larger goals, reward yourself. For example, if your ultimate goal is to get fit and one of your initial goals is to go to the gym X amount of times per week and you meet that goal, reward yourself with a new workout accessory, like a shirt."

3) "Creating an inspiration wall is another way to remind yourself of the goals and dreams you are working towards. You can do this on the inside of a closet door, bulletin board or social media page. If your goal is to lose weight, hang pictures of your dream vacation spot or beach view. Then go there when you've achieved that goal."

Christine Cashen, a certified speaking professional, has three tips for accomplishing goals and getting the life you yearn for:

1) "Do three things every day to move you towards your goal. This way you don't get overwhelmed and keep moving forward.”

2) “Become an investigative reporter. Find people who have your dream job and speak with them about their path and what suggestions they may have. You may find a great mentor.”

3) “Take a risk. When you think you can't do something, use this risk chant (you must say it in chant voice): ‘Oh what the heck ... go for it anywayyyyy!’”

Link to article

Why it's OK to wait to have kids

I am quoted in this article regarding reasons why waiting to have children is beneficial for some.

by Lisa Steinke |

The average age a woman has a child is 27. But many women aren't anywhere near ready to have children in their 20s. And these days, more are waiting -- some until their mid-to-late 30s or even their 40s. So is now the right time for you or should you wait? Read on for the reasons experts give for why it's OK to ignore that biological clock.

Anna, mother of one from Illinois, says she's a happier parent for waiting until she was older, "My husband and I didn't have our first child until our early 40s. It was a wonderful decision for many reasons. Our daughter is now 13 months, and we are both 43 years old. We couldn't be happier parents!"

Ignore the ticking clock

But what if, unlike Anna, you're struggling with the thought of waiting, feeling self-imposed or outside pressure to procreate? Nerina Garcia-Arcement, Ph.D. urges women not to rush into having a child simply because others are doing it or because their clock is ticking. "Having a child changes everything, literally."

"There are many pros to waiting, including being more emotionally and psychologically ready for the vast changes to lifestyle and time commitment that children require."

More financial stability

Garcia-Arcement also reminds potential parents that financial stability can come with waiting. "Having a more stable and developed profession so that you are in a more stable financial situation... " Barbara Neitlich, psychotherapist, adds, "If you wait, you can generally put more money aside for your baby fund."

More confidence and maturity

Beverly D. Flaxington, author and mother of three, who had babies at 35, 38 and 42 says, "I felt more confident after going through a number of life situations and developing different perspectives on life." Garcia-Arcement makes the point, "You might have more energy as a younger mom, but older moms have the benefit of more life experience and maturity." Neitlich adds, "As you age you learn more about yourself, your partner and what type of parent you want to be."

More time for you

Neitlich also says a key reason to wait is to "travel, travel, travel!" and spend more quality time with your partner first. Garcia-Arcement agrees, "Accomplishing personal goals first (e.g. education, travel, attending cultural events) allows the mom to never question should I have waited until... ?"

Ask yourself the important questions

Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, a marriage and family therapist, reminds couples to ask themselves important questions before making their final decision.

• Are you and your spouse in agreement? Will you both be committed to all that is entailed?
• Do you and your spouse believe you would enjoy parenting?
• Will you consider medical intervention if you cannot get pregnant?
• Are there any financial concerns? Will a child make a difference in whether both spouses will be able to pursue their careers, work full time, finish up any education, etc.?
• Are there any emotional or psychological reasons underlying a push for a child — the kind of reasons that have more to do with improving the marriage, etc.? The kind that are not healthy reasons and usually backfire?

Link to article

Coping While You Wait For Medical Test Results

In this article I am quoted on typical reactions to the unknown, such as stress and anxiety, and how to manage your feelings and cope with the uncertainty. By Rheyanne Weaver  |

Waiting for the weekend to come or a long-desired vacation can bring excitement, but what happens when you’re waiting for something nerve-racking, like medical test results and a potential diagnosis?

Experts explore the connection between fearing the unknown (which can happen when you’re waiting for medical test results), and provide tips for how you can keep positive in a potentially negative situation.

Nerina Garcia-Arcement, a licensed clinical psychologist and a clinical assistant professor at the NYU School of Medicine, said in an email that fearing the unknown is something we all experience at some point in life.

This Article

• Improved My Health
• Changed My Life
• Saved My Life

“Fear of the unknown (especially when [the] outcome can be negative) is a normal human reaction,” Garcia-Arcement said. “That is why many avoid going to the doctor to begin with. They fear hearing that they are ill or whatever they imagine.”

Besides the common fear and anxiety that can be associated with waiting for medical test results, there are other emotions and thoughts that people can experience.

“Other common emotions are numbness ... worry, sadness and guilt (that they didn't go sooner and now might be ill) and concern about how this might impact their lives, plans and families,” Garcia-Arcement said.

So now that you’re waiting for medical test results, how can you cope with some of these negative emotions you may be experiencing?

“[The] best way is to acknowledge what they are feeling, normalize it/know that it is normal to feel that way, and then use healthy coping strategies to deal with what they are feeling,” Garcia-Arcement said. “If they are anxious and worried, do breathing exercises, distract themselves with activities and people they enjoy, do visualization exercises or any other type of self-care activity that will help them ‘get through’ until they receive their diagnosis.”

If you’re almost positive that the medical test results you’re waiting for will lead to a diagnosis of some kind, there are some ways you can prepare yourself for this potentially devastating situation.

“I have my patients imagine worst case [scenarios],” Garcia-Arcement said.

Link to article